I had a McLuhanesque moment of satori, not long ago, that made me alter my my concept of internet dating. I'd been on the net for over five years, and had been using internet dating sites since my divorce in late 2003.
Akthough I'd had a great many dates, and no bad ones, I had found that internet dating had come nowhere near being the same experience that real life dating had.
Reading some McLuhan one evening, the dots connected to provide a possible explanation. Initially I had thought it was perhaps just me, but conversations with others (male and female) provided a confirmation that the experiences I had were in no ways unique.
McLuhan talked about "extensions" or things that technology enabled us to do better. Internet dating technology "extends" us as individuals. We are, through the marvel of silicon chips and wire, holographically projected to a wider audience of members of the opposite sex than we could ever possibly dream to meet in real life.
That projection extends us past the neighborhood or town that we live in, and ( in fact) extends globally to every point on the planet which has a computer connected to the internet that can access this site - and others like it.
McLuhan also talked about "amputations" , the counterpoint to "extensions". It's kind of a Yin-Yang "thang" ...
Every extension of mankind, especially technological extensions, have the effect of amputating or modifying some other extension. An example of an amputation would be the loss of archery skills with the development of gunpowder and firearms. The need to be accurate with the new technology of guns made the continued practice of archery obsolete. The extension of a technology like the automobile "amputates" the need for a highly developed walking culture, which in turn causes cities and countries to develop in different ways. The telephone extends the voice, but also amputates the art of penmanship gained through regular correspondence. These are a few examples, and almost everything we can think of is subject to similar observations.
That's the inherent problem with internet dating, it's "amputations", and why so few find success on internet dating sites.
" The medium is the message."
Each medium, independent of the content it mediates, has its own intrinsic effects which are its unique message.
The message of any medium or technology is the change of scaleor pace or pattern that it introduces into human affairs. The railway did not introduce movement or transportation or wheel or road into human society, but it accelerated and enlarged the scale of previous human functions, creating totally new kinds of cities and new kinds of work and leisure. This happened whether the railway functioned in a tropical or northern environment, and is quite independent of the freight or content of the railway medium. (Understanding Media, N. Y., 1964, p. 8)
What McLuhan writes about the railroad applies with equal validity to the media of print, television, computers and now the Internet. "The medium is the message" because it is the "medium that shapes and controls the scale and form of human association and action." (p. 9)
So, in this McLuhanesque medium of mass communication, which allows millions of people the chance to meet each other : why are there so few successes ? We all want to be loved, and this advertises us to millions of new people worldwide.
So why is finding love the exception, and not the rule ?
First, we project ourselves in a digital form upon the world. We are holograms with hearts. Unlike "real life" where one actually sees a real physical person, the internet allows our image to actually be a product of both our projection of our beliefs of ourselves, and the member of the opposite sex's interpretation of it.
The screen the image is projected on affects it's resolution, and distorts it. Let's just say it's not HDTV...
Secondly, particularly in the case of some women and men, their mere popularity precludes and effects the mechanics of how they meet people. They are caught in the forest, and unable to see the trees because of it.
The receiver's perception of the sender, in this medium, is distorted by the fact that it's taking one of the most complex human interactions (i.e. love) possible, and constructing it on a digital foundation that removes most of the "real life" things that we historically relied on throughout our entire existence on the planet to navigate with.
Because the foundation is digital, the reality constructed upon it is many times unstable.
When two people actually meet, especially those who have corresponded over a long period of time before that meeting, that meeting is like the projection of two holograms upon each other.
Along with the real qualities of each person, "other" things are discovered. The real life person and the "hologram" combine - and sometimes conflict.
I guess it's a bit like reading a book, and then meeting the actual person the character was based on.
Seldom will that person match the projected image your imagination provided you while reading it.
My advice ?
Look at it like a lottery ticket, or message in a bottle, or whatever other concept that provides the most meaning to you.
The internet can be an excellent place to meet people to become friends with, and perhaps lovers.
Concentrate on the friendship, and celebrate the love...if it happens to you.
Of course, this entire view may require another McLuhan quote to explain it :
You mean my whole fallacy’s wrong?
I'll leave that for the reader to decide.
No comments:
Post a Comment